Building Self Concept

Here is another question from my special ed forum:

“My partner teacher and I teach high school students with disabilities in a cross-categorical program called Occupational Course of Study (OCS), in which these students learn job skills along with academics in pursuit of a standard high school diploma. This school year we have a number of students who are latino/latina that have anxiety and feel extra social pressures around being identified as in a special education program, and do everything they can to "hide" that fact from the rest of the student body.

I thought it would be helpful for these students to get perspectives from other current/former students in a similar demographic, and have been searching YouTube, social media, and other places online. I found a site called respectability.org, for example, which has resources but they appear largely geared towards representing people with disabilities other than specific learning disabilities or intellectual disabilities.

I'm hoping one of my illustrious colleagues on here has some hidden gems they'd be willing to share, or something or someone they could point me towards. Please let me know.”

Here is my answer:

I taught an Occupational Diploma High School class in SC for years and I know my students acted the same way! I don’t have any specific resources for you other than to share things that I did to help them.

I explained to the students that a disability is not something they can control, just like diabetes or thyroid problems. If they act like they are ashamed of it, then people will treat them that way. A lot of people act this way because they don’t understand specific disabilities and this is an opportunity to educate others. I explain that a disability is just like being on a highway with other cars. But a person with a disability gets to the point where their part of the highway is washed out and they have to take a longer side route. It doesn’t mean their car doesn’t work, it just means the route is longer and with more obstacles on the side roads than the highway.

I had a class motto for 30 years - “I am a Born Winner!” that they had to write on every paper they turned in for a grade. I also ask them when they come into the room to say it out loud. I have them say it before every test they take. Sometimes they have to say it as a group before they leave the room. They have learned to believe that they are losers for so long that I try to break the cycle of the “stinkin’ thinkin’” I met a student from 20 years ago that pulled out a slip of paper from her wallet with that motto on it. She said that it helped get her through tough times.

I got permission from the administration to do some landscaping around the school and wrote a grant for flowers and bushes and tools. Students researched prices and the types of plants we wanted to get. We had so much fun doing this! General ed students saw us doing this and even asked my students how they could get in my class so they could have fun!

Eventually, some of my students even felt comfortable enough that they were willing to go into other classrooms and explain about their disability and how it makes them feel.

I don’t know if any of this helps but it took time to overcome the learned negative thinking that they believed and replace it with positive thinking.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Friendship

(During the summer months, I like to take the A-Z Challenge and come up with words alphabetically and see how they apply to education. I think it’s a great exercise for teachers and students to give this a try.)

Friendship is always hard for my students with special needs. Being in special classes makes my students different from students in general classes. Their curriculum is different so they don’t have a lot in common with the other students. Due to their disability, they might have trouble connecting with others and making new friends.

The problem for my students is getting started. No one likes feeling rejected or ridiculed. Over the years, students notice the widening gap between students in general ed classes and special ed classes, Many teenagers pick on students who are different. So, my students have learned over time to protect themselves from bullying by staying apart from others. They set up a wall as a defense mechanism which makes it hard to make friends.

Sometimes there are students who want to act like friends to my students because they want to ridicule them. They appear to want to be friends so my students will do things and then they can laugh at them. My students want to have friends so much that they are willing to do things they know are wrong just so they can be accepted by their “new” friends.

I work hard on helping my students become self-advocates and speaking up for themselves. I want them to know that having a disability is not something they should be ashamed about and it is out of their control. Yet, how they cope with the disability and their behavior is something that they can control. Having control over themselves makes it easier to make friends.

I also have some of my more outgoing students who are willing to talk about their disabilities share information with students in other classes. By working with another teacher, we set up a short time for my students to speak to other classes. Many general education students avoid my students in special education because they don’t understand disabilities or how my students feel. I noticed the more awareness that my students can spread throughout the student body, the more comfortable other students are in including them in groups outside of my classroom.

Friendship can start out by acknowledging another student’s existence and not being mean to them. It might mean including them in some activities. Inviting them to sit at your lunch table can mean a lot. Eventually, as students get to know each other better, there might be more opportunities to do things together Soon a friendship can develop.

How would you help students develop friendships? Please share.

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Denial

(During the summer months, I like to take the A-Z Challenge and come up with words alphabetically and see how they apply to education. I think it’s a great exercise for teachers and students to give this a try.)

When I first meet my students with special needs, they deny having any learning problems. They state they are there because of behavior problems.

I spend a lot of time during the first month talking about learning problems and explaining that I believe everyone has a learning problem of some sort. It might stem from a lack of interest in the subject, short-term memory problems, or some genetic issue but I don’t care about the cause. It is important to learn to cope with the problem and move forward so they can be more successful in whatever they do.

Everyone has different strengths and building things is not one of mine. I love learning and reading books but if I have to build something, I’m a fish out of water. One of my students was able to build a car engine easily and I know I would have difficulty doing that. I could read about it and learn about it but I would still have difficulty with the hands-on work. Over time and lots of hard work plus some frustration, I eventually would be able to do it. Yet, that doesn’t make me stupid. I would know who to go to if I needed help building an engine.

I also spend a lot of time on different learning styles. I explain that I learn better visually so I like to see written instruction or pictures while my husband is an auditory learner. He prefers to hear the instructions and doesn’t want to read about them. Others learn by actually doing something and making something. One learning style is not better than another and it’s important to find out what works best for you

I also share that it is important for them to be self-advocates. When they are having difficulty, speak about it and we will try to brainstorm a different way for them to understand the topic. Other classmates might be able to help restate the information or even show them something. The bottom line is that they understand the information. By denying there is a problem only puts an obstacle in the way of finding a solution.

Photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash

Tell Me A Story

In The repetition of stories from Seth Godin's Blog , Seth Godin shares,

“And the same approach works for a feeling of optimism and possibility. Repeating stories (to ourselves and others) about good fortune and generosity makes those stories more powerful.”

I’ve said this opinion many times but I think it bears repeating. We focus too much on negativism in society and not enough time sharing the positive stories. Negative stories seem to promote depression, intolerance, and sometimes even violence. The media tends to promote this especially because negativism sells.

I’m not saying that we should paint the world as a nice pretty place all the time, but we should be realistic. There is probably a positive story for every negative story told.

I think so many of my students struggle because they have told themselves a negative story to themselves so many times that they start believing it. It starts with peers ridiculing them when they struggle. Maybe an adult has suggested that they were lazy or not putting enough effort in to explain why the student is struggling. Parents might complain and reinforce the teacher’s opinion.  When this story is constantly repeated to the student, they start believing it when they may actually have a legitimate reason for their struggle.

I feel it is my job to give my students a new story. I want them to hear a story about success and happiness. I want them to see that it is possible for them to overcome the obstacles in their life and that they are not lazy or incompetent. I want them to see that there are many different ways to conquer the “monsters” that seem to keep them from reaching their goals and that I am here to help them. I will walk beside them in their struggles and be there to support them when they need it.

At first, they are reluctant to believe this story because they have been tricked too many times by the hope for success. I have to show them that I mean what I say and I convince them to take the risk in trusting me. Little by little, I show them that they can be successful and with each positive step, they are rewriting the stories in their minds. I remind them of their success stories when they get discouraged. Eventually, they will have more recent success stories than past failure stories and can progress more easily.

This may be a slow process but I think it is possible to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves. We owe it to ourselves to write a story of success for ourselves and to make it happen. We owe it to our students to help them make their stories happen and learn how to make new stories for themselves.

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

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Inviting The Student In

In The Open Door Isn’t Always Open from  Practical Theory, Chris Lehmann shares,

“Some students need to be invited to come for extra help. Some students need to be told that the teacher wants to see them. That individualized attention where a student feels the personal investment of a teacher is invaluable.”

If I waited for my students to show up for extra help, it would never happen. First of all, students see asking for help as a sign of weakness and they don’t want their peers to see them as weak. Sometimes kids can be like a pack of dogs and they will attack the weak one.  Plus, they are trying to grow into their own skin and want to be independent so by needing help, they lack the independence that they crave. They also want to be like their peers and if their peers don’t need extra help, then they do not want to be the odd one and need help. If you are different, you tend to stand out instead of belong.

I try to help the students by taking this decision away from them. I schedule everyone to have a personal appointment with me. During this time, we can discuss problems they are having or talk about a hobby they love but everyone gets time with the teacher. Then, if I feel someone needs extra help with specific skills, I can use this time to help them. Sometimes I learn more about my students during this time and find out what their interests are. If I need to schedule another appointment, then we talk about the best way for the student to handle this. Sometimes they can share with their friends that I want to know more about their particular hobby or that I need some help with something I’m doing. Either way, I try to help them save face in front of their friends because I don’t care how we work it out as long as the student is getting the extra help they need. This also helps the students who don’t need the help because they are also getting some extra attention since they are usually the ones who get ignored or fall through the cracks. They might not need help with classwork but it might help them to talk about other things.

Sometimes you can’t expect students to take the first step. As the professional, you have to take the first step and show them how to get help. Over time you can teach them that asking for help is not something to be ashamed about but first you have to earn their trust. You can assume that students know how to ask for help or willing to take the risk of doing this. They are afraid they will lose more than they will gain. With your experience and wisdom, you know better but you didn’t when you were young. Someone guided you and helped you through this risky time in your life. Be the same lifesaver for someone else. Invite the student in.

Day 9 Self Advocacy

On the Free Technology for Teachers Facebook, the twenty day blogging challenge created by Kelly Hines was mentioned and I decided to give it a shot. So here is the challenge for today:

“Share a topic/idea from class this week. What’s one thing you did with students this week that you will (or will not) do again? Why?”

An important topic discussed in my class is self-advocacy.

Many of my high school students believe that they are in a special ed class because of their behavior and not because of a disability. For some reason they can stomach the idea of being segregated from their classmates because of a behavior problem (that they could control) rather than having a disability (that they can’t control).

It is important for my students to understand that having a disability is not something they should be ashamed of having because they did nothing wrong. Having a disability is not their fault. Also, they might have a disability in one area but be quite gifted and talented in another area.

I spend a lot of time talking about disabilities and the perceptions that people have. We talk about how we view ourselves and how we think others perceive us. We also talk about how our perceptions may possibly be exaggerated or skewed like how a person feels that everyone can see the huge zit on their face when in reality, it is so small that no one notices it much. In fact, it is our own behavior that draws attention to it rather than it actually being the center of attention.

It always amazes many of the students to find out how many celebrities have a disability and how they have successful lives in spite of having a disability. They do not let their disability define who they are.

What is more important is how they deal with the life they are given. Their actions will define who they are and how others perceive them.

This also applies to all people and not just people with disabilities. Throughout life, everyone will face obstacles that can either defeat them or make them stronger. I want my students to come out being stronger and I hope that I can be the right tool to help them get this way.

What is an important topic in your class? Please share.

Image: 'Dirty Girl 2013'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/15119648@N04/9445016442
Found on flickrcc.net

Self Advocacy in the Classroom

In John: Self-Advocacy Topics and Tips, Part One from CEC Blog , John asks,

“What experience do you have teaching self-advocacy skills? Were you surprised by how little students and parents knew about a disability?”

First let me say, that if you haven’t read his blog, please check it out! Every time he posts something, he really inspires me!

I always believed that self advocacy was vital for my students to face the future. I taught high school so I may have been more candid with my students than teachers of other levels would be. At first, many of my students denied having a disability. They believed they were in my class because they were bad and if they were good, they could go back to general education classes. It was at this point that I explained the whole process of identification and testing. Many parents didn’t even understand this process and believed that their child was just lazy or stupid.

I would start off the year by talking to my students about the word disability. I have mentioned this before but I draw a car driving along a road on the board. Then I erase part of the road and tell the students they are like the car. Due to their disability (whatever kind they have), the road is out and they have to find the detour. They will end up at the destination like other students but the journey may be rough, bumpy, and even take longer. This does not mean there is anything wrong with the car (or the student) and we need to make sure the car stays in good shape for the ride. My job is to help them find the right detour and help them along the way. Students seem to understand this explanation and even feel better about themselves. At the end of the year, I’ve had parents tell me that their child has explained their disability to them and relatives in the same way. By doing this, I’m giving them a tool to help them talk to others about their disability.

Next we look at the individual IEPs. I go over the sections with them and explain the sections. I don’t talk about each person’s specific information. At a later time, I meet with them individually to discuss the IEP and answer any questions they may have. When I have IEP meetings, I want the student to be able to understand what we are talking about and give input if needed. Since this is about that student, I want them to feel like they have some control over decisions that affect them. Giving input is something they are able to control.

Every 4 weeks, I review the IEP and update goals if needed. I review this with the student and send a report home. This helps the student see that this is a working document. If any changes need to be made, they can be done quickly so the student can be helped in the best way possible.

I have had some students even offer to talk to other classes about their disability and how it affects them. We discuss how peers make fun of them out of ignorance and fear. By talking about this, it takes the unknown and fears out of the equation and actually helps others be more tolerant.

At the end of the year, the students run their own annual IEP meeting. A powerpoint presentation is made for each section of the IEP. At first it is scary but we practice a lot in the classroom. They work in teams of 2 when they practice and then practice in front of the class. They don’t have to give the private specific information during these practice sessions. At the beginning of the meeting, the student introduces each participant and then begins the presentation. The student talks about the information given in each section and refers to me when I need to talk about a section. At the end of the presentation, the floor is open for comments and questions. It is amazing how empowering this is for the student!

Image: 'Day 167/365 - The long way "round'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/26104563@N00/5911810875

Teaching Students to Speak Out

In Leaders today and tomorrow from Generation YES Blog, Sylvia Martinez states,

“Great leadership is inclusive leadership, yet the largest stakeholder group in schools is often forgotten — students.”

This is so important and I think so many adults forget this. What about the students? Why are they often times forgotten or ignored?

Many times I meet with students and ask them questions like:
1. What do you think?
2. What works for you?
3. How can we solve this problem?

Most of the time, I am given a blank stare and no answers. They are either stunned that I would even ask them for input or they are afraid to give their input.

I have had students tell me that no one has ever asked them this or that they believe that no one really cares. Even if they give the answers, they feel that no one really listens to them.

How many times has adults said the same thing about their administration? Or even about the government? Have these students just grown into adults and remain the same silent stakeholders?

I need to teach my students to speak out. I need to teach them to ask questions and question things that they don’t understand or believe. I need them to find their voices.

Many times my students don’t even know the questions they should ask. By modeling, I can show them how to come up with the questions and how to ask them in appropriate ways.

I need to show my students how to be proactive without appearing aggressive. They need to understand and believe that they should have a say in their future and things that will affect them.

I started by explaining the IEP process to my students and then explaining their individual IEP. By encouraging them to run their own IEP meetings, I am allowing them to have some control. I am giving them opportunities to talk and explain why they feel things are important to them. They are able to share things they thing will work for them. Sometimes we have to trust them by letting them have control over some of the things that affect them.

They need to find out what they believe in and why. When they see injustices or have someone question their values, they need to be able to speak out. They need to defend their beliefs and their rights when necessary. This will be helpful if they are ever faced with bullying. By speaking out, they will become stronger individuals, not in physical strength but in mind.

I need to teach my students self advocacy. They need this not only in the classroom, and in the workplace but in every aspect of their lives.

How do you teach your students to speak out? Please share.

Image: 'Speak out!'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/11883362@N00/2273448091

Making Our Voices Heard

In the need to blog from Blogging on the Bay, bgaskins says,

“I think in these times of Waiting for SuperMan and Oprah, we can’t stop our voices. We cannot be silent. We keep our focus on learning. We keep our focus on the student. We don’t budge.

In education the reformers have always been the silent ones who kept moving forward.

Our professional learning communities keep us moving forward. We support each other. We listen.”

I think this is absolutely right! I need to keep speaking up whether it is blogging or writing letters or speaking publicly. As a taxpayer and voter, I need to make my voice heard. Whether I agree with those in power or not, I have a right to voice my opinion.

I have learned that there are people out there that want to hear what I say. They also may not agree with what I say but it can get the conversation going. I may be able to change someone else’s mind or they may be able to change mine. But I do know that if we don’t start somewhere, nothing will change.

I have learned by talking to legislators that not many share their opinions like they should. I hear many people in the teaching field complain but when I ask them if they write letters, make phone calls, or share their opinions with the legislators, they always come up with excuses why they don’t or can’t.

I think I need to do more than just support others. I think I need to encourage others to make our voices heard. Just listening to each other isn’t enough. In order to make changes we need to push each other to take that extra step.

When I hear another teacher complain, I will do more than just ask if she has written letters or called someone. If necessary, I will help her do so. I will get her contact information and get her the address of her legislator. If I need to, I will help her draft a letter to voice her concerns.

Just encouraging each other and supporting each other is great but it isn’t enough. I need to do more. By doing more, I’m showing by example how others can do more. And if we all do more, than maybe we can make our voices be heard even more.

How do you make your voice heard? How do you help others make their voices heard? Please share!

Posted on the Successful Teaching Blog by loonyhiker (successfulteaching at gmail dot com).

Image: 'lauter protest'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/73603628@N00/365973056

Educator Self Advocacy

At the recent SCCEC conference I attended a session on Educator self advocacy. We talked about the negative impression that many people have about the education system. How can we advocate for ourselves? How can we get those in power to understand what we do and why we need to do it this way? How do we show the general public also? There are no teacher unions in South Carolina so we have to advocate for ourselves. One important way is to back up our actions with research.

I also feel it is important to not reinvent the wheel. By having a personal learning network (PLN), when I need to find information or a link to specific research, I am able to put the question out on my network for help. Many times, I know that what I do is a good thing but I don’t always know how to get our hands on the research that backs it up. Maybe I heard about this strategy or read about this from somewhere. Now I am actually trying to keep a database of the strategy and the resource where I found it. This way I can refer to it again and again if necessary.

Our state organization now has a facebook page and I recommended that we use this platform as a way to bring us all together. I think first of all we need to inform our members that we have this platform available and we need to start using it. It doesn’t do us any good if we have something available but people won’t use it.

I understand that we need to rant and support each other rationally but people will take us more serious if we can discuss problems more rationally. Then it is time to look for those people who can help find the research that can document the rationale for the decisions we make. If we can’t find a good reason for doing what we do, maybe we need to look at what we are doing and make changes.

Each year, our Child Action Network coordinator goes to Washington, DC to talk to legislators to advocate for our children. These are also opportunities to advocate for teachers. We also need to talk to our state legislators and present a positive picture of teachers. We need to get legislators and the public on our side so we can work together. We need to stop being adversaries and become advocates.

How do you advocate for your profession? Please share.

(Tomorrow I will talk about the session: Help! I'm an LD Teacher and I have a Student with Autism!)

Posted on the Successful Teaching Blog by loonyhiker (successfulteaching at gmail dot com).

Original image: '3d puppets protesting with posters on demonstration'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/40780016@N02/3915512726

Understanding The Military and Special Education

Recently we held our Passport to Success 2010 which is an event filled day of activities enabling students to receive information which will assist them in transitioning from high school to post secondary training or post school employment. I think it is a wonderful event which brings agencies and businesses together for the students and parents in one venue. In fact, I was thrilled to see some parents attend and get involved.

It was my job to invite vendors to the event and was thrilled that in our economic situation, that about 25 vendors decided to attend. The US Army Recruiting Office was one of those that sent a confirmation that they would attend. I was so excited to have them present because so many of our students ask about going into the military.

Yet on that day, two nice recruiters arrived to talk to me and said that if any of these students had “special education” in their records anywhere, the military would not accept them. I tried to explain that not all of the students in special education are developmentally disabled or physically disabled and that some may have minor disabilities that still enable them to attend college. They said that they understand that but that the military doesn’t offer any accommodations like the education system offers and would not take any student who received special education services. Of course, they asked me not to “kill the messenger” because they were just relaying what they were told to do. Then they politely left.

I can understand not wanting to have someone developmentally disabled or unable to control their behavior having a gun in their hands. I understand not wanting to have someone who can’t read or write or understand basic instructions because it would be too dangerous. But that is not everyone who receives special education services! Is this not discrimination?

What I don’t understand is who is lying? I know some students who received special education services that are serving in the military right now. I know their permanent records showed special education services because I have seen those records. I also know that they are performing well and in fact, moving up in ranks. Many current students know these people also and are getting mixed messages here. They don’t understand when some people are saying they can’t join and then others show they can by their actions. I’m not sure even I understand the right story.

I have had former special education students who are able to hunt and even provide food for their families. They have worked construction jobs and some have even worked on their own houses to provide shelter for their families. Some of my students are even quite adept at using computers and repairing them. For most of their jobs, they are required to prove competence and no one cares if they received special education services when they were in school. If they are incompetent, they lose their jobs and that is fair.

How can we deny these students the right to serve our country? Many people complain about our young people not appreciating our own country and then we treat the ones that do in this manner. I also look at the statistics and see how many people in our country have some kind of disability or another. Where will the military draw the line? Yesterday they were accepted but today they are not and tomorrow they might be?

I also think this is setting a precedent for students and parents to refuse the help that a school can provide. I think that many can struggle and possibly survive the school system without help but is that the best we can do for our students? I know that I have taught my students to find out what they need and what works best for them so they can apply it to their lives after they leave my classroom. Could this not also work if they chose the military path? What is the military so afraid of? I know the military came to our school and gave the ASVAB test so wouldn’t that rule out many who couldn’t pass the test? I believe that some of my special education students would be able to surpass some of the general education students in a physical test. Everyone who enters the military goes to basic training which would be one more level for students to show competence.

Is this a way to discourage students and parents from seeking special education services? It is hard enough for the students to face the stigma of having a disability but to me, this is just another insult. I spend hours and days telling my students that they have nothing to be ashamed of because a disability is not their fault. Yet, I feel that it is my responsibility to share this information with parents and students when they are considering special education services. Parents and students need to be given the whole picture and not find out until it is too late.

What do you think? Should this information be shared with parents and students or not? How do we prepare students who want the military to be an option when they graduate? Please share your thoughts.

Posted on the Successful Teaching Blog by loonyhiker (successfulteaching at gmail dot com).

Original image: 'The Drill Instructor'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46042146@N00/1052385311 by: Randy Robertson

Struggling to Get Uphill

In Uphill Battles Are Struggles Worth the Work from Angela Maiers Educational Services, Angela Maiers states,

“Yesterday, after days of struggling against the hill, I reached breakthrough. I had the best run of my stay here. The hill remains the same, but my experience and my expectations changed. My thought patterns improved.”

As I read this post, it made me think about how much I take for granted because learning has always been pretty easy for me. For some reason, I had no problems with memorizing facts and formulas. I liked learning and it was not frustrating for me which of course encouraged me to want to learn more.

Yet, I began to think about my students and the uphill battles they struggle with. In the early years of my career, I had trouble relating to this struggle. Learning the material seemed so straightforward to me and I didn’t understand why they couldn’t get it. Helping my students understand the material was actually my uphill battle.

As I gained experience I realized how important it was to identify the uphill struggle that my students faced. Each student had a different uphill battle but many of the feelings were the same. Sometimes it helped to talk about it and bring the battle out in the open. Sometimes when it was discussed and no longer was a deep dark secret, the uphill didn’t seem so steep. By talking about it, we were actually able to come up with some supports to help the student.

Of course I also learned the hard way about this. When you approach a student about the uphill battle, they immediately deny there is any problem. This is natural and I had to find a way to get around this. The easiest way was to have a class discussion and talk about “hypothetical” situations that could be uphill battles. This kept it from getting personal. I asked students to name some ways that other students may struggle in school. This could be something they heard from their friends or seen on TV. Once we identified the battles, we began to brainstorm ideas on how to get to the top of the hill. Having others come up with suggestions sometimes helped the one student facing the situation see it more clearly (even though they might never admit it).

After the class discussion, I would ask each student to identify one struggle that most identified with themselves and write it on a paper but not to tell the class. If they thought of a different struggle that wasn’t mentioned, they could also list that. Then I asked them to list the suggestions they thought might help the most. By telling them that there was no right or wrong answer, they seemed more receptive to completing this part. I explained that this was an important step to achieving success and that over time, the uphill battle could change so we needed to look at this frequently. Sometimes they might actually face more than one hill to get to the very top.

I was always impressed by the honesty of the students and really never had a student refuse to do this. I would collect these and keep these in a file for future reference. It helped me gear my lessons to meet their needs. Sometimes a personal conference would help and sometimes I would ask them if they wanted to have a meeting with their parents and teachers. If they knew that they had my support, a meeting like this is less scary. It is also an important self advocacy skill that all students need to learn.

Identifying uphill battles aren’t enough. I need to make sure I understand each student’s uphill battle and help them find ways to make it to the top in order for them to be successful.

Original image: 'Uphill Road' http://www.flickr.com/photos/41894180985@N01/228393229 by: Stefan Jansson

The Importance of Acceptance

In Accept What Is — Don’t Judge as Good or Bad from zen habits by Leo, he states

“One of the greatest sources of unhappiness, in my experience, is the difficulty we have in accepting things as they are…As you catch yourself judging, and wishing for different — and we all do it — try a different approach: accept, and understand. It might lead to some interesting results.”

This has been the hardest thing for my special education students. Many of them want to deny that they have a disability and insist that they are in my class because they are lazy or got in trouble. Many parents have a hard time accepting that their child has a disability too and blame it on the school, teachers, peers, ex-spouses, laziness, bad friends, etc. All of these attitudes are detrimental to helping the student.

I think there comes a time to just accept that the child has a disability and forget about how or why it has come to this. Now, we need to come together to figure out how to move forward instead of looking in the past. We need to have a plan of action that will help the student be successful in the future. By looking at the student’s needs, we can see what the student, the teacher, and the parent needs to do at this point in time.

I do not focus on the student’s disability and rather focus on weaknesses and strengths. A disability does not define the student. Students with the same disability can be so very different and have such very different needs. But in order to focus on these weaknesses and strengths, the student and the parent needs to accept that the student is having problems. They cannot continue to believe that just hard work and different friends will suddenly “cure” the problem.

They also have to accept that even though we try different things, not all things will work and that we can’t give up. We need to accept that small steps of progress are great things and not to overlook the positives. Sometimes things will look worse before they get better but that is not always a terrible thing either.

Students also need to accept their disability in front of their peers. For many years I told my students that if they acted like they had something to be ashamed of, then others will treat them that way. They needed to accept it and if their peers were curious about it, they needed to educate them about their disability, not hide from it. Of course, this meant that the student needed to educate themselves about their disability and learn to be a self advocate. I know this was very hard to do but it can be done.

I think when the students can accept their disability and educate others, it also helps the parents. Many parents feel guilty that their child is struggling and blame themselves. This guilt can lead to either a very overindulgent parent or a very strict parent and both extremes are not good for the child. When a child can be a self advocate, it can also help the parent get over the guilt and look to a more productive relationship with their child.

I truly believe that acceptance is a first step to a successful life.

Original image: 'Couple' http://www.flickr.com/photos/62223880@N00/420642281 by: Ville Miettinen