Parental Controls

In Who is the better parent? From Blue Skunk Blog, Doug Johnson asks,

“Why does it seem that both sides of the political spectrum have lost faith in the ability of parents to raise children who are good people?”

My answer is - because we let them control us.

I remember years ago, an 18-year-old student in my class kept falling asleep. When my students sleep in my class, they have to stand up during class. When I called him, his grandmother (who was the one raising him) told me that she could not get him to go to bed and he played games all night long. She said that he listened to me and asked that I called him up every night and tell him to go to bed. Even though I was skeptical, I did call him up for a week at 10pm and told him to go to bed and go to sleep. His grandmother said that he listened to me. After that, I had a heart-to-heart talk with this young man and told him that he was an adult now and he needed to be responsible for himself. He knew what he was responsible for and didn’t need me to tell him when to go to bed. I never had a problem with him after that.

Years ago, teachers would get paid once a month for 12 months of the year, even though we didn’t work the summer months. Then the school district allowed teachers to get their summer pay early in a lump sum. I would take my money and buy a 30-day CD and a 60-day CD so that when they matured, I would pay myself and earn interest on the money I saved. Some teachers told me that there was no way they were going to get their money early because they would spend it all and then couldn’t pay their bills. I never understood that reasoning from a person who is teaching our young people how to be independent citizens in society! These teachers would rather let the district control their money rather than control it themselves.

We need to teach students to take control of their own lives and be responsible for their decisions. As long as people think it is easier to let others control everything, more of our freedoms will be taken away.

Being In Control

In Topping off the tank from Seth Godin's Blog, Seth Godin  talks about “The appearance of control.”

There are many instances of this in the classroom.

An administrator asks for input from the faculty but never uses any of the suggestions and doesn’t even look at the input given. But the administrator has given the appearance of control.

They put thermostats in every classroom, but they don’t really work. I was told by a plant engineer that the climate is actually controlled by a computer from a place out of state.

You are asked to vote on things, but the outcome does not necessarily determine the results.

Teachers can see through this farce and I think it has really lowered morale across the teaching field. When people feel powerless, they go through the motions but have no incentive to improve their situation.

I have to admit that I’m a control freak. Sometimes it is easier for me to do things rather than to delegate it to others. I don’t mean to be critical but not everyone will do things that way I do or the way I want it done. If I have to micromanage, I might as well do it myself.

Yet, I know that I have to give up some of that control in the classroom and empower students to think for themselves. I have to give them choices so that they will learn the art of decision making.

Not only do I have to allow them choices, but I have to abide by the decision they choose. So, the important thing is to find the things that I can live with, no matter what they do.

One way that has been successful in my class has been to give my students choices. If there are more than one activity, let them choose the order that they want to complete them. I can give them a list of projects and allow them to choose which one they want to do. I can have a choice of three different types of assessment and let them pick which one they feel most comfortable completing in order to show me that they mastered the skill.

Giving students choices and allowing them to follow through not only gives the appearance of control but actually empowers students to make choices. It allows them to look at their own preferences and strengths in order to make their own decisions. The more comfortable they get at decision making, the more successful they will be later in life.

How do you give up control in your classroom? Please share.

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

The Day I Got Angry

In Is It Ever Okay For Teachers To Get Angry With Students? From  @DavidGeurin Blog, David Geurin asks,

“What do you think? Did I go too far in yelling at the kids? In general, I would say it's never appropriate to yell. How else could I have handled this situation? What are your thoughts on dealing with your anger as an educator?”

I usually pride myself on staying calm in the classroom and do not usually raise my voice or get angry in front of my students. I tell them we all may get frustrated and annoyed but I don’t usually get angry. If I raise my voice or my body language shows I’m frustrated, I know that I can work to find some kind of solution. I might need help or I might need to take a break but this is solvable. To me, angry is a useless emotion that has very little redeeming qualities other than to let off steam. The after effect usually makes me feel tired, depressed, and not very productive.

One day, many years ago, I took my students to the local zoo. We went with another class from our high school along with a large group of small children. My class went our separate way from the other class once we got to the zoo and we had a good time. When lunch time came, some of my older boys had forgotten their lunch so I allowed them to go to the concession stand to get lunch while I stayed with the rest of the class at the picnic shelter. They were gone for a long time and seemed like forever so I gathered up the rest of my class and we went back into the zoo to look for them. I was filled with so much worry that something happened to them. I didn’t know if someone had gotten hurt or in trouble but I felt frantic. Eventually I saw the boys heading to me, laughing and having a good time without a care in the world. This made me so angry that when they approached me, I know I looked like a thunder cloud! In fact, they were scared and thought about going the other way but I screeched like a witch for them to not move another step! When I caught up to them, I unloaded both barrels. Then we all walked back to the picnic shelter where I tried to calm down and they looked sad and scared to death. Keep in mind that most of these kids were all bigger and taller than me so looking back, I bet we looked like a wild group!

Eventually I calmed down and apologized to them for losing my cool and explained about how worried and scared I was. Later, a parent with a child in a stroller came up to me and let me know that all the boys were perfectly behaved and ate their lunch at the concession stand. They didn’t know that I expected them to return and eat their lunches with me. In fact, I’m not sure they could leave that area with food. After this conversation, I felt so bad.

I must have made a big impression on them because for many years after, the older students passed on this message to the next class, “Remember the Zoo!” with an ominous tone and warning not to make me mad!

It was not one of my proudest moments. In fact, as much as they remembered how angry I was, I also remembered so that I didn’t repeat the performance. I just hope and pray that this is not the only way my students will remember me and the time that they have spent in my class.

I was lucky in all my classes because even though I wanted to make a difference in their lives, they really made a difference in mine. Many of my students made a lasting impact on my life and I believe they have made me a better teacher and a better person. What is amazing is that I’m still in touch with many of them through social media even though it has been years since I’ve seen them.

So, to be honest, I don’t think it is okay for a teacher to get angry, but sometimes it happens. Teachers are only human and it can’t be helped. When it happens, it is time to admit a mistake was made and apologize. Recognize it so that the situation doesn’t happen again, learn from it, and move forward from there.

What do you think? Do you think it is okay for a teacher to get angry with students? Please share.

Breaking Bad Habits

In Kaylie: What To Do When Things Go Wrong from CEC Blog, Kaylie shares about a student’s bad behavior and how she had to handle it. Then she asks,

“Have you had a similar experience? One of your students makes repeated poor choices and you’re left to decide and manage how it’s handled. How did you deal with the situation? What was and wasn’t successful? What do I need to do differently?”

Many of my students make poor choices on a regular basis so it is important to break this cycle. I feel that many times it is more of a habit than a conscious choice. When the student is exhibiting bad behavior, it is not the time to make it a learning experience. The time is before the bad behavior happens, as a way of preparation and prevention rather than a knee jerk reaction.

So, as in any bad habit, it is important for students to recognize what the bad habit is. Over time, many students have gotten used to blaming their behavior on their disability because they have heard others say this. Students are brainwashed to believe that they have no control over their own behavior. When they hear something often enough, they start to believe it, just like they hear adults and peers say they are lazy or bad or dumb. It is important to have students realize that they can control their behavior and it may be hard but it is not impossible. They need to hear this every day, many times a day. It might even be good to write “I can control my own behavior!” on a couple of index cards. One can be taped to the desk and one can be kept in the student’s pocket.

Next, discuss the behaviors the student has exhibited that are unacceptable. Have the student give input on this because the student knows this as well as the teachers. Have the student discuss what happens that causes this behavior. Have the student see that there is a cause and effect process here. As teachers, we tend to assume that the student knows what causes this but unless we teach the student how to recognize this, it doesn’t always happen.

Once the student can identify the behaviors and the causes, it is time to discuss alternate behaviors that are appropriate. Help the student brainstorm ways to act more appropriately in different situations. Help the student make a chart listing the situation on one side and appropriate behaviors on the other.

Now the fun begins. It is time to role play the situations. The more practice the student has doing this; the more comfortable the student will be in a real situation. It is just like practicing a fire drill.

But it doesn’t stop there. Have the students reflect on their behavior either at the end of the school day or the next day. List challenging situations that they faced and how they reacted. (Don’t judge them and allow them to be honest.) Discuss whether their reactions were appropriate or how they might have acted differently (don’t say better because that is a judgment and they will withdraw from the conversation). This reflection is what will help them internalize their behavior and hopefully replace their bad habit.

I’m not saying this will work for all behaviors or take the place of medication but I believe that many times we don’t give students enough credit for controlling their own behavior.

What do you think? How do you handle situations like Kaylie has faced? Please share!

Image: 'Raise Respectful Kids'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/52505823@N05/4926100794

Giving Up Control

In Crazy Talk on Control in Schools from The Tempered Radical, Bill Ferriter states,

“There are still a TON of teachers who are threatened by the idea of turning over control to their students.”

I realized that when I read this, my best lessons in the classrooms were the ones that I didn’t have total control.

Of course I had control of the basic classroom rules like come prepared, respect others etc. but when the actual learning was taking place, I didn’t have control. I knew where I wanted them to end up but I didn’t necessarily have control on the process of getting there. It was kind of like taking a journey to a specific destination but some took different modes of transportation and different routes to get there.

I started the lesson by explaining the purpose of the lesson and the goals and objectives to accomplish. Then as a class, we discussed ways that I would be able to assess that they achieved what I expected of them. Sometimes it was hard for them to come up ways so I would offer suggestions that would be used if no one came up with others. This usually sparked some ideas and once the ball gets rolling, the ideas pour out.

Once the students know where they are going, they start deciding how they want to proceed forward. This is a great way to learn problem solving and can be used for anything they do in life. By doing this, they are using skills they already know and also practicing skills they have recently learned. The more they do this, the easier this will become.

It is important for them to learn that sometimes the route they choose may need to be altered or even rerouted. It is important in problem solving to learn how to be flexible. This experience will help them from melting down when faced with roadblocks or obstacles that may delay them in reaching the final goal. Instead of stopping in frustration, I would be able to help them or even their own peers may be able to offer viable suggestions to continue. This is another lesson that will be used throughout their life: asking for help. Many times students have learned that asking for help is a sign of failure, but I try to show them that it is a sign of collaboration, determination, and persistence that should be encouraged.

Sometimes this type of learning could even lead to other avenues of learning. I would actually have a “parking lot” to list other topics that students were interested in learning about at a later time. Just knowing that there were other topics they were interested in learning about in the future was encouraging for many students who usually had no interest in learning in the past.

Since the students’ learning may take off in different directions with many possibilities, it is impossible for me to control all that takes place. When I first tried this, it was scary. But once I saw how much more my students were engaged, it really made sense to me. In this way, students had invested in their own learning and were more motivated to reach the final goal, which I had intended for them to reach.

I saw that I still had control over the topic, goals and objectives as well as final say over the process but the students felt like they had some controls too. By allowing them to control some things, I was showing that I trusted them too. This trust is something most students are not willing to abuse once they are given it.

Do you give up control in your classroom? If so, please share. If you don’t, please share why you don’t.

Posted on the Successful Teaching Blog by loonyhiker (successfulteaching at gmail dot com).

Original image: 'Control!'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/13661433@N00/97033289 by: Faramarz Hashemi