Accepting Criticism

In Constructive criticism from Blue Skunk Blog, Doug Johnson shares,

“Constructive criticism can be embarrassing. Painful. Humiliating. But should one choose to learn from it, it can be invaluable.”

I have to admit that I dislike constructive criticism immensely because it makes me feel like I should have done better. I’m a perfectionist and when I do work, I try to review it over and over to make sure that it’s perfect. Then when someone finds a problem, I feel disappointed in myself which may come across as being angry with the person who is criticizing it. Even though I’m glad to know that there is something I can do to make it better, I still hate not being perfect.

I know that many of my students feel this way. They have been criticized for so much of their life because of their special needs that many don’t even want to try anymore. I know it is an uphill battle but I want to encourage them not to give up.

I think it is good to give personal examples of when I have gotten criticism and how I’ve had to deal with it. I also share about how it makes me feel and how I sometimes react which may not always be appropriate. When my students see that I’m not perfect as a teacher and that I feel the same way that they do, it helps them cope with their feelings better.

Then we talk about ways to deal with the criticism. How to share with others how we are actually feeling and then how to react appropriately. Then fix the problem. That is the ultimate goal. Maybe we don’t see it as a problem and don’t want to change it. Just because someone criticises you, doesn’t mean that you agree with it.

When I’m giving constructive criticism, I try to avoid the word “criticism” because it makes me feel like I’m being negative. I like to tell others that I’d like to make some suggestions. They can agree or disagree with them. For some reason, this comes across a lot better than criticism even though it is basically the same thing.

How do you give constructive criticism? Please share.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Positive Emotional Environments

In The Importance of Emotions in Learning from @DavidGeurin Blog, David Geurin asks,

“What are ways you create a positive emotional environment in your classroom or school?  How do you set the tone each day for connection and care? What behaviors need to be addressed that are damaging the emotional environment?”

I think having a positive learning environment is important in a classroom and when I mentioned this to my husband, he asked me to explain what that meant. He is absolutely right. If I don’t know what it is, how can I create it or set the tone for it?

To me a Positive Emotional Environment is:

1.     A safe place to learn.

2.     A safe place to make mistakes.

3.     A safe place to learn from my mistakes.

4.     A place open to constructive criticism about my work.

5.     A place where criticism will not be personal.

6.     A place of understanding when our fellow students don’t succeed at first.

7.     A place to encourage our fellow students not to give up.

8.     A place to share information freely.

9.     A place to help fellow students figure out ways to overcome obstacles.

10.  A place to cheer our fellow students when they have a victory.

I think it is important to discuss this in the first class meeting. It may take a few days (or weeks) for students to learn that these are non-negotiables. This will set the tone for each day. Once students learn that this is important and follow these guidelines, I think our classroom becomes a positive learning environment.

If a student says negative statements about another student, I stop and explain that this behavior is not acceptable. If they have constructive criticism about other students work, they may share it and give suggestions on how to make it better. I also work on modeling these behaviors for the students. When a victory occurs, I have everyone stop what they are doing and have everyone give a round of applause. I explain to them that even though the individual victory goes to the student who did the work, everyone else deserves the applause for being supportive. At first, students feel a little uncomfortable doing this but by the end of the quarter, everyone is used to this and really gets into it.

How do you encourage a positive emotional environment? Please share.

Photo by Katrina on Unsplash

Criticism

In Handle Criticism Effectively from Cool Cat Teacher Blog by coolcatteacher@gmail.com, Victoria A Davis, Cool Cat Teacher states,

“You can tell a lot about a person by how they handle criticism. Those who immediately dismiss criticism neglect the fact that most criticism, even that from an enemy, carries with it a grain of truth or no one would believe it.”

I think this is the hardest thing for most people to handle.

Let’s face it, criticism hurts. Whether it comes from family, friends, co-workers, or supervisors, it hurts. Whether it is nicely said or meanly said, it hurts.

Sometimes I feel the criticism is justified, and even true but sometimes I feel it is done out of meanness or even revenge. The trick is to get over the hurt feelings and try to decide if there is some trueness in it and what I can learn from this information.

But I feel that in order to learn and to grow, criticism is necessary.

But when I am the person being judged, I tend to react in different ways. When it is my family, I tend to get angry and defensive. When it is friends, I tend to withdraw into myself. When it is a person of authority over me, I tend to feel bad and beat myself up over something I did or didn’t do.

Yet, when I began teaching, I wanted someone to criticize me. I knew I wasn’t doing the best I could. But everyone I met kept telling me what a great job I was doing because I was working in special education. When I first started teaching, special education was still a new field and not a lot of people knew enough about it, even administrators. So, I felt like everyone was “patting me on the head” and hoping I would just keep my kids out of the office for bad behavior. It was a frustrating time for me.

When I am working with my students or other people who are learning something, I try to phrase it differently so that it doesn’t come across as much as criticism as much as a suggestion for a better way. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings but sometimes it is necessary.

When I am observing a teacher in a teaching situation, I try to see something that didn’t go well and come up with a suggestion that might help. I don’t just want to say a negative without giving a positive.

When I am helping a student, I try to avoid helping them too much because they need to learn from their mistakes. When they do make a mistake, I try to help them find a better way they could have solved the problem.

How do you handle criticism and how do you dish it out? Please share.

Original photo by https://flic.kr/p/tZCU

My Inner Critic

In Five Ways to Kill Your Inner Critic by Sioux Roslawski, she asks,

"What clever ways do you have to get rid of your inner critic?"

I have a terrible inner critic who can fill me with fear and keeps me paralyzed from taking action.

I remember reading something or hearing someone also call it “stinking thinking” which sums it up equally as bad.

Many people say that I’m harder on myself than others are on me and that I’m a perfectionist. I don’t know how I ended up that way. Maybe it was my upbringing because my parents expected nothing less than my best and I always thought “my best” meant being perfect. If it wasn’t perfect then I didn’t think I was doing my best.

I remember getting a convertible Triumph Spitfire years ago. It was a stick shift and I didn’t know how to drive it so my husband taught me. There were times I would cry in frustration because I just couldn’t do it smoothly and my husband assured me that with practice I would get it. He would never criticize me and encourage me by telling me I was doing a great job but if it wasn’t going right, then I didn’t feel I was doing my best. He kept telling me to stop being so hard on myself.

I also can tell others the same thing and not expect them to be perfect but I have a hard time telling myself that.

When I knit something and I see a mistake, I usually have to rip it out and start over because I can’t live with that mistake. Lately, I’m trying to ask myself if anyone will notice or care about that mistake and if not, just fix it at the point I’m at and move on. I think I need to do the same with other things I do.

I need to ask important questions about my mistakes such as:

·      How noticeable is the mistake?

·      What impact will it make if I leave the mistake as it is?

·      Can I just learn from this mistake so it doesn’t happen again in the future?

If the mistake is not noticeable and doesn’t really have much of an impact, I need to let it go and let it be. I need to learn what I did wrong so I don’t repeat it.

If the mistake is noticeable or can have a detrimental effect, then I need to fix it.

By sharing these thoughts with my students, I can be a good role model for them. I think many of my students appear to not care about their schoolwork because they are paralyzed with fear about making a mistake. I need to help them understand that an error is not a terror.

How do you fight your inner critic? Please share.

Accepting Criticism

In Friends Don't Care... from Sioux's Page, Sioux asks,

“How do you handle the suggestions/critique from others?”

This is a two edged sword for me and really difficult to answer.

Accepting criticism from others is really hard for me because I’m such a perfectionist. When someone has criticism, I feel that I’m less than perfect and it upsets me. I don’t like feeling that I didn’t do my best. I tend to withdraw from others and have some hurt feelings but I eventually get over it.

Yet, I want constructive criticism so that I can do better. I want to know ways that I can improve myself, my personal life, and my professional life because let’s face it, no one is perfect. So, once I get over myself, I look objectively at the criticism and try to figure out ways that I can do better.

So, I need to realize that criticism has nothing to do with “doing” my best. I can do my best and still have room for improvement.

I feel that this is what my students struggle with. Many have failed in so much over the years and they see criticism as an attack on them personally. I need to find ways to help them separate their effort and improvement. Sometimes improvement can definitely be affected by their effort but what if they are giving the best they have?

Maybe they are not giving their full effort because they have hit a road block. I need to get past the effort issue and look for the obstacles that may be standing in their way. If I can help the student identify the obstacles, they might be willing to put more effort into the work. Sometimes the unknown obstacles can be scary and cause paralysis in learning. By taking an objective view of the situation, I can help the student face these obstacles.

One of the things I need to be careful about is terminology. I think the word criticism is a negative word and want to avoid that. I like the word “suggestions” that Sioux uses.

I also need to be a good role model by showing students how to handle feedback. One way I do this is by having students evaluate my teaching each quarter and ask them to be completely honest which will not affect their grade in any way. I don’t ask them to do this anonymously because I feel that with criticism, there is responsibility. If you are going to offer criticism, you need to be willing to stand by your statements. I ask them to give specifics such as:

·      What lesson did you enjoy the most?

·      Why did you enjoy it?

·      What lesson did you enjoy the least?

·      What do you think would make that lesson better?

·      How can this teacher help you learn more effectively?

When I get this feedback, I will discuss the results (without using any names) and explain that I will take this seriously. I want to do my best and meet their needs and this will help me. If there are important individual items, I will meet with that student alone to discuss the remarks.

How do you accept criticism? How can you help others accept it? Please share.