Knee Jerk Reactions

Last week I read about another example of schools not using common sense and good judgment.

A school called police after a kindergartner with Down syndrome pointed a finger gun at her teacher.

We need to stop having these knee jerk reactions and getting back to using good judgment.

A six-year-old child does not understand the impact of making this gesture and needs to be taught it is inappropriate. She should not be arrested.

How many young children hit their parents? Do we have them arrested for assault and battery? No, we teach them that this behavior is inappropriate.

If a student takes a pencil or candy from another student’s desk without their permission, do we have them arrested for stealing? No, we teach them that this behavior is inappropriate.

Years ago, I had a high school student with Down Syndrome who pulled the fire alarm. He was encouraged to do it by older students in the general education classes. The administration wanted my student arrested and after a lengthy discussion, he was not arrested. I explained that my student was aware that he had done something wrong. When a person does something wrong, he usually hides the fact and won’t admit it. My student admitted it, laughed and thought it would help him be liked by his peers. The parents, the administration, and I sat down with the student and calmly explained why this was wrong. We also explained that there would be consequences if it happened again. Then it was important to bring in the boys who had encouraged him to do this and explain the consequences for them also. They were guilty of taking advantage of my student and encouraging him to break the law, which made them accessories to the “crime.” This was a learning experience for my students, his parents, and also the other boys who thought they were being funny and playing a joke on my student.

We need to stop looking at children mimicking adult behavior (from watching TV, the news, the movies, etc.) as criminals and take the time to teach them appropriate behavior!

Do you agree or disagree? Please share.

Picture from https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/12/us/girl-down-syndrome-police-gun-trnd/index.html

Stop Judging Others

In defense of phones . . . or at least in defense of not judging others from Roman Reboot, Melissa wrote a great post about judging other’s phone use and here was my response:

“This was a great post!! I love technology and my phone and I’ve been criticized about both a lot by family and friends and even people who don’t know me. I was just on a cruise and paid for the internet ($99 unlimited for the week), which really make people’s eyes roll in the back of their head. What they don’t know is that I’m up around 4:30am and I play on the Internet while hubby sleeps and he is fine with that. I load photos, I write a blog, I email family and friends to see how they are doing and I read other blogs. There is nothing else to do and I can afford it so why not? Once hubby wakes up and we start the day, the computer goes in the closet until the next day. I use my phone as a camera too and share photos but that involves looking at it. Maybe the mom is taking photos and sending it to the dad so he can “share” in their fun day. All I know is that I have enough trouble keeping up with myself much less anyone else.”

We don’t know about someone else’s life so how can we judge what is best for them? Until we walk in their shoes, we don’t know what their needs or expectations are. When a mom is on the playground with her kids and is on the phone, how do we know that she isn’t an important surgeon who took the day off to be with her kids? Maybe someone texted her an important question and rather than going back into work, she takes care of it on her phone. Maybe the woman is dealing with a friend who is depressed and the attention she is giving the person may keep them from committing suicide. We really don’t know what the circumstances are so without knowing all the information, how can we judge someone?

I’m so tired of people judging others when it really isn’t any of their business. I saw this a lot in the school system. Too many teachers were watching other teachers who left school early or arrived late. Some didn’t teach the same way as others. I never understood why it was any of their business. I spent my time making sure I did a good job and that I showed up when and where I was supposed to. I didn’t have time to watch anyone else! I was too busy teaching!

When I find myself judging others (let’s face it, we are all human and can’t help ourselves), I remind myself that I don’t know what the situation it. When someone is having a bad day and their customer service stinks, I remind myself that they might have a serious situation at home they are dealing with. I think about all the terrible things that might be going on in their lives and it puts my present situation in a different perspective. It helps me to deal with my own behavior since I can’t change their behavior.

Maybe if everyone minded their own business and worked on being better people, the world would be a better place! I don’t know but it makes sense to me. Maybe too much sense.

How do you stop yourself from judging others? Please share.

Judging a Book By Its Cover

In First Impressions from Sioux's Page, Sioux asked,

“How much do you rely on first impressions? Is it hard for you to change your opinion after you form a first impression? Do you sometimes have to eat your words after relying too heavily on a first impression?” 

I know we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but I think that is human nature. I think that we can’t help ourselves. I think I rationalize my habit of doing so by saying that it is only a temporary judgment and I can always change it later when I have more facts and evidence. I try to keep my opinion to myself so I don’t have to eat my words or owe anyone an apology. I consider this being cautious and not necessarily rude.

When I meet new people, I like to talk to them and get to know them. I’m not so quick to judge people by the clothes they wear or what they look like as much as by the conversation we have. I learn a lot about a person by what they say and what their body language is like.

Usually my opinion that is formed from this first conversation is usually right but sometimes my opinion can change over time. I really feel disappointed when my first impression of someone is wrong. I start to doubt my own judgment and how I see people. I think I want to shield myself from this disappointment so I tend to go slowly with making judgments.

I like to talk to my students on the first day and think about what kind of students they may be. Some are hesitant and shy while others are aggressive or class clowns. Sometimes their behaviors may be a defense mechanism for their academic weaknesses.  I need to make sure that I go deeper than first impressions because they may not always be true of the real person.

This makes me wonder about what kind of first impression do I make to my students. How do I come across? What do my words and body language say to them? I think it is important to take a close look at this before the first day and decide what kind of impression I want to give. This may determine the tone of the class for the rest of the year.

What do you think about first impressions? Please share.

Judging Others

In A Book's Cover from Sioux's Page, Sioux asks,

“ How about you? What would be emblazoned across your book cover if you had one? Or, can you tell about one instance where you made a snap-judgment about someone, and you were wrong? Envious minds (I've got book envy) want to know...”

First of all, I have to confess that I am really bad about judging a book by its cover. I don’t mean to be and I know I shouldn’t but sometimes I can’t seem to help myself. I don’t always think negative thoughts about a book from its cover but I do look more positive on a book with an interesting cover. A great cover draws me in and makes me want to read the book. Sometimes I get disappointed when I read the story and don’t think it really matches the image on the cover. I feel like I was cheated. Sometimes I read a book with a boring cover and can imagine all different covers that should go on the book.

I wonder if I do the same thing with students. I know that I shouldn’t and I don’t mean to but it just happens. When I see a student dressed sloppily or has little respect for themselves, I tend to think that they probably feel the same way about school and their grades. If I see a student dressed nicely and with care, I think they have caring parents who insist that they dress appropriately. Imagine how surprised I am when I find out that I am completely wrong. The first student ends up working harder than the second and really wants to succeed. The second student doesn’t care about anything except making great first impressions.

Seeing the students on the outside doesn’t really show me what is on the inside. How much are they willing to work towards success? How much support do they have at home? How much do they respect others or themselves? How do they feel about their lives?

Sometimes what I see may not be the true face that my students have. It is what they want the world to see. Sometimes I have to push my assumptions and judgments aside so that I can dig deeper and find out who my students truly are.

Do you judge a book by its cover? How do you stop doing this? Please share.