The Art of Compromising

In “Get what you want without compromise” by Seth Godin's Blog by Seth Godin states,

“The real question might not be, “what do you want,” it might be, ‘what do you care enough to compromise for?’”

When I was growing up, I quickly learned that couldn’t always get what I wanted whenever I wanted. Life isn’t like that.

I have seen many students who had trouble with this concept. Some of my students may have been spoiled and their parents let them just get their way. Other students had a disability where they really didn’t understand this concept. It wasn’t that they were spoiled or mean, they just didn’t understand this because developmentally, they weren’t at the stage where this made sense.

Learning to compromise is a social skill that a student needs to learn in order to be successful in the classroom and in life. It means that a person must give up something or choose a lesser option in order to get as close that what is wanted as possible. This compromise makes both parties a winner instead of one winner/one loser result.

In order to teach my students how to make sense of this, we practiced different strategies.

Identify the choices and who it affects. If one choice is picked, how will it affect others? If the other choice is picked, how will it affect others? Can both choices be picked without affecting anybody?

If I act a certain way, will that get me what I want? Will that make me happy? How will it make others feel? Is this the result that I want?

What am I willing to do for someone else that makes them happy in order to get what I want? Will this action hurt others or put me in any harm?

If I can’t have my way, can I find another option that will be accepted by me and others?

Can I ask someone I trust to help me figure out a way to make a compromise when I’m not able to understand a way to make us all a winner?

Learning to compromise takes practice and sometimes a student needs to discuss and reflect why the compromise worked or didn’t work. It is through this discussion that understanding will take place.

Do you teach students the art of compromising? If so, please share.

Photo by Anna Samoylova on Unsplash