Constant Discord

I’m tired of hearing about Black Lives Matter (I’m not against it and if people want to peacefully protest about it, I’m all for it). I’m totally against police brutality and I think there has been a lot of wrong violent acts by the police against many people besides black people. Having it constantly on the news feels like it is being shoved down my throat. I think the media is at fault for fanning the flames and keeping this discord continually stirred up.

I don’t feel like this is the way to make change. It is making me feel tired and resentful. I’m tired of hearing the words “white fragility” and “anti-racism” in every other sentence on the news, on my podcasts, and even in emails from companies. These are just buzz words and many companies/people are just being followers instead of leaders. I’ve started to avoid the news, podcasts that constantly harp on this subject, and even deleting any email that refers to this subject. Enough already!

Let’s face it, people are going to have prejudices because it is human nature. I don’t believe we will ever be able to eradicate it. People are prejudiced towards people’s weight. If you are large, you may be called fat or obese. If you are too skinny, you may be called anorexic or bulimic. If you are short, you are called shorty and teased. If you are a certain age, people may assume you are too young or too old to do something correctly.

My father was 100% Chinese and my mother was (50% Chinese and some Cherokee, English and who knows what else). This made my physical characteristics look very Asian. I am often asked, “Where are you from?” When I answer that I was born in New York, they tell me that is not what they want to know. What they really want to know is my cultural heritage. I don’t hear many people ask white or black people this question. Does this make me matter more than them? No. I was one of the few Asians in my school career. Many teachers treated me differently because of their expectations. They expected me to be a genius and when I didn’t show this ability, they were disappointed in me and tended to ignore me as if I didn’t exist. I encountered bullying on a daily basis until I left for college. As an adult, I still face prejudice at least once a month.

I had ancestors who worked on the Transcontinental Railroad who were treated like slaves. (My husband had ancestors who worked in the cotton mills who also were treated like slaves.)

Depending on what is going on in history, many different cultures and races were not treated very well. When the Irish came to the United States during the potato famine, they were treated pretty harshly by people already here in the states. During WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam War, Asians are treated very poorly. Even today, older people with strong memories of those wars may treat me with distrust or dislike.

During the Exclusion Act, Chinese were treated unfairly. It was the first immigration law that excluded a whole ethnic group.

I don’t think that protests and violence and constantly talking about this is going to make a difference. I don’t think buying items from people of color is the way to make a difference. In fact, I feel like you are discriminating against other people. I want to buy things because of their quality and if they fill a need that I have not because of the sellers skin color. I think people need to act in a way they can be role models for others. If a company doesn’t have the same values that I have, then I will go to a different company that has the same product of the same quality. I don’t need to confront anyone or blast a company for what they believe in. I will show my opinion by my financial support or lack of financial support. If no one buys from a company because of their values, then they will be forced to close.

I don’t believe that just because I don’t agree with you, that we can’t be friends. I have friends that feel strongly about the Black Lives Matter movement and that is okay because that is something, they want to believe in. I just don’t want them to continually try to force me into believing what they believe in. I support other things, but I don’t try to shove it down everyone else’s throats to make them support things I believe in.

I hope that this constant discord can stop and we can make changes in an appropriate way. Yes, it may take time but eventually we can make a difference.

Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash

Judging Before Knowing

In You're Not Alone: Can't judge a book by it's cover, Patrick Black shares,

“You know the saying "you can't judge a book by its cover"? I know in my heart that this is a true statement but I also know that most people do just that. They take one look at my boy and form an opinion without ever talking to him. It is so sad that many people will never get to know the real Corey. Most people can't get past the crooked glasses with stuff all over the lenses, the bad breath from chewing on stuff or the body odor when he forgets his deodorant. This is one of the things I am struggling with right now. I am trying to figure out how to combat these things...one at a time, so that Corey's freshman year of high school is not a repeat of his dismal, friendless middle school years.”

When I read this, it broke my heart. How many times have we told our own children and our students not to judge a book by its cover? But I think that is impossible during the teenage years. I think there needs to be a developmental stage labeled - Judging Books By Their Cover. I don’t care how many times we tell students this, they will do it anyway. I think it is this “stage” that causes many students to join gangs or commit suicide.
As a special ed teacher, I deal with this a lot in my classroom. Not only do my students have peers that judge them by “their cover” but so do a lot of teachers. I can even hear the other teachers complain about having “those” kids in their classroom before they have even met them! Many times my students would come to me and complain that their teachers treat them differently in class. Sometimes I’m not sure the teachers even realize they do this.

The only way I know how to handle these situations is to arm the students with “tools.” Rather than ignore the big elephant in the room, we acknowledge that people judge them without ever really knowing them. Yes, it is wrong but there is nothing we can do about this because we can’t change other people’s behaviors, only our own. By talking about behaviors that cause people to do this, it helps my students see themselves as others do. We practice how to get people to move past that outer layer. We also talk about ways of dealing with this when faced with this kind of judgment. Sometimes it takes time to show the other person that their judgment is wrong and we have to be patient and persistent during this time.

I may have told this story before (and if so, I’m sorry you are hearing this again) but I think it really is a great example of how this happens. I had two students with mental disabilities in my self contained class who was assigned “Broadcast Journalism” as their elective. This veteran teacher ran down to my room in order to explain to me why they should not be in her class. She was adamant that they could not do the things required in class and should be removed from her roster but I refused to do that. I insisted that they be given a chance but if it wasn’t working out in 9 weeks, I would gladly change their schedule. Reluctantly she agreed. Over the next 9 weeks she found out how capable they really were. Not only did they do everything that was asked of them but they helped others by insisting they do what they were told to do too. This teacher came to me after one month and told me what a joy it was to have these two in her class. She loved them! At the end of the year, she even asked that they be enrolled in the next level class the next year.

This is just an example of how we can’t always tell people not to judge others. Sometimes it takes time and perseverance to show them that their judgment is wrong. It is a shame that we have to do this but I think this is human nature.

How do you teach others not to judge a book by its cover? Or how do you teach your students to deal with this? Please share.

Image: 'Time to Love'
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8628862@N05/3172860546
Found on flickrcc.net